I feel like Dr. Frankenstein! After close to a WEEK of frustration, I have changed hosting and recreated my website, all by myself, which…when you think about it, was pretty ballsy for someone whose last experience working with code and technical things was with punched cards…

Ever drop a box of punch cards? No? That’s probably because you don’t know what a punch card is. Because you are not old. But that’s okay. It’s only humans who don’t get that their usefulness ends after they spawn. It’s only humans who keep hanging on and hanging on…

I actually used to code for money at one of those big IT companies, CPI Pension Services. (A spin-off of ADP). I used to play Pong, too, but those skills and $4.50 will barely buy one a decent cup of coffee these days. My point is, I used to use a basic wordpress theme and I created pages by using the visual editor and I tweaked code in the text box if I absolutely had to, but now everything is widgetized and modulated and one’s website has become a “skin” that sits on a powerful framework, so easy, even an old person cross bred with a psychotic monkey and my left nipple can do it. Or not.

Because YEAH. That wasn’t as easy as they said it would be. It NEVER IS.

And I always go into it thinking, “I’ve got this!”  And I NEVER DO.

And then I end up on a live chat with someone barely old enough to date Cher who is chock full of lovely patience because they understand who I am and what I need. And they probably don’t want to see me cry. (On a lighter note, I made my bestie, author Tara Lain cry yesterday, because she thought I was going to ruin HER website but then I fixed her thumbnail slider so I am a goddamn HERO! Just look at her awesome slider!)

Eventually, I got things on my site up and running, even though I ran out of ways to say, “For the purposes of this discussion, picture I’ve never seen an airplane, GO”.

So, what you see here is a special author-related theme from Studiopress, This is a child theme (hah!) that sits on their Genesis framework, and what you see here is the end result.

I LOVE it. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. It IS ALIVE!

But I’m not finished tweaking it yet. So pardon my dust while I get to work. Everyone needs a hobby that makes them feel like that guy in the movie Airplane who says, “I guess I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue!”