“You’re shitting me,” said ******, taking some scallops off his skewer and dipping them in tartar sauce. He looked up at ***** as he popped them in his mouth. He didn’t even chew before he was talking again, his mouth full of juicy grilled bits of shellfish. “How the hell does being naked and stroking yourself help?”

****** was so caught up in the story that he waved off the shocked gasps of the couple at the table adjacent to theirs.

Inwardly, ***** rolled his eyes. “Well, I guess it has to do with those self-same instincts and sensibilities I spoke of before. I think man is innately animal. We’d all lie around licking our balls all day like dogs if we could reach, right? Sure. I believe that if men had more flexible backs, or perhaps shorter torsos, we would have no civilization to speak of, but we’d all be completely in touch with the ‘other’. I think stroking myself naked just helps me get in touch with the ‘other’, you know?” He leaned on his hand, looking up at ****** innocently.

****** spooned up some clam chowder, nearly missing his mouth. “Ah, the other.”

“Of course.” ***** took a sip of his tea,

“For the record, you had me until we were all licking our balls all day,” he looked at his food in disgust. “And that was about three minutes longer than it should have taken.”

“For the record,” ***** told him, “You should probably never play poker with anyone.”